after a month anything with tits is on the radar
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
