He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
