i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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