He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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