Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
