i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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