my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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