I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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