so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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