So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
