he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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