The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
