so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
