the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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