There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
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I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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