Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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