I will die if light touches me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
