you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
