I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
