Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
