Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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