Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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