but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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