I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
