Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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