Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
