i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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