He is an equal opportunity slut.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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