like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
