then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
