I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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