Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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