I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
