WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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