I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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