He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
