I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i out mim tonsoeep
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