You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
