HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
