Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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