Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
