I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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