I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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