I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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