i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
