I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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