I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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