Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
