her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
