When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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