Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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