i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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