Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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