fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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