There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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