As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Small penises have feelings too.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
