turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
