Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
