I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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