if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
