He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
