We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
