if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
