guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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