The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
where are you?
Hypothermia
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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