first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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