There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
