Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
