is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Boobs are out for the taking
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
