My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
